“I’m so jealous!”

               “You’re so brave!”

               “How do you do it?!”

               Yep, solo travel never ceases to amaze me either. Pure aqua blue water, rolling white capped waves, catamarans and white wine. Palm trees, beaches, and sun. Good looking men, relaxed evenings eating Mediterranean food overlooking a sunset on the harbor. The words “magnificent, stunning, and exotic” hardly begin to sum it up. Adventure unfolds, romance beckons, grinning faces fill social media. Yes, it looks like paradise, the ultimate glamorous utopia, almost qualifying for the ethereal “she has a perfect life” phenomenon.

               But what about challenges behind the scenes? The less glamorous side to travel? Typically I enjoy writing about all the wild escapades, funny scenarios, and glorious explorations. But international journeys, particularly as a single solo female American, are not for the faint of heart.

So today, speaking from personal experience, I hope to offer a few insights into common nuances, frustrations, confusion, and messes involved in undertaking a trip abroad by yourself. Not necessarily any colossal-sized tribulations, but a little perspective into everyday snags, and those moments apart from happily smiling social media posts. I want to share vulnerable, less than glamorous, real moments of travel experiences, where various ordeals felt anything but a picture-perfect magazine article, far-fetched from postcard pretty, and just about as un-Instagram worthy as it gets.

Physical Stamina

Wear your walking shoes. Otherwise, the cobblestone streets eventually commandeer flimsy flats, and destroy those $3 flip flops! If there’s one thing required for international travel, its physical endurance. There have been red-eye flights, curled up in a ball, attempting to impossibly contort into a comfortable sleeping position on a coach airplane seat, efforts to avoid napping on my neighbor’s shoulder, and a neck pillow which silently deflated after two hours- leaving kinked muscles. There have been wildly differing time zones, jet lag, and unsuccessful attempts to sleep, feeling as if I drank two shots of espresso at midnight.

For those of us with food sensitivities, there’s been flawed thought processes with the premise everything will be fine if I eat just “a little” gluten. Followed by consequences, Tums, tea, ginger chews, nausea, and a heady glass of red wine on top of the day’s damage as if this will somehow help the digestive situation. Health conditions have flared up as a result of various stressors, out come the inhalers, and on come the barrage of side effects, not to mention navigating panic attack triggers on a London subway.

Cobblestone streets have shredded Wal-Mart shoes, the new pair rubbing unsightly blisters, with hot pink flip flops a dead giveaway screaming, “This girl is American!” There have been sore feet after walking many miles daily (despite a very active, healthy lifestyle in Colorado), and mysterious leg cramps have crept up throughout the night, interrupting precious sleep. Room mates have fought gnarly colds, persistent coughs, and stomach upset. There have been sinus infections, trips to Urgent Care after returning to Colorado, and a lingering sore throat as a result of getting rundown.

Not to mention hostel life, the chorus of snorers from South America, or that one person who decided to sneak their new flame into bed at 2 am, rustling beneath the sheets until 5 am! Or the Madrid trip, where a doctor erroneously prescribed the wrong dosage of medication just before leaving, and on two occasions, lightheaded waves of nausea invaded my body accompanied by clammy sweats and tunnel vision, with a fair amount of panic as a result. A big trip requires physical stamina, endurance, and a capacity to withstand (as well as tolerate) some bodily discomfort. Neither glamorous nor fun!

Safety

               International travel also demands a heightened sense of awareness, and revving the common sense meter into high gear- this skill frequently sharpened due to an experience with an unpleasant or scary situation. After reading many stories on travel forums or Facebook groups, my heart goes out to those of you who have experienced true, gut-wrenching trauma on any level while abroad. I admire the willingness to share, your tales of triumph and heartache, and the fact you’re still here to tell of your experiences. My hat is off. Personally, though still a heavy topic, a few things come to mind in terms of learning safety as a solo traveler…

Whether walking through narrow streets in wee morning hours to catch a flight, casually sauntering home while sloshed with the Australians at 1am, or taking taxis and Ubers alone, when on an adventure abroad, nerve-wracking situations taught me to rely heavily on my gut, prayer, and a sense of keenly tapping into that small inner voice, “This doesn’t feel right. This doesn’t look right. Something is off. I don’t think this is a good idea. Can I really trust this person?” as well as filtering the voice of fear versus a true intuitive warning. Experiences requiring increased discernment instilled a heavy sense of learning to trust myself.

               As mentioned, the process is not particularly attractive, nor glamorous. There have been pick pocketers blatantly employing their crafty, sly expertise, untrustworthy individuals pressing for a room number, phone number, my body, or time together, trip mates with wallets, cameras, or phones stolen, and things such as turning down a shared Uber ride in Lisbon much to the man’s annoyance.

               There have been fights on streets, massive marches, and heated demonstrations with throngs of people, police, helicopters, chaos, and news media. There’s been road rage, where I watched a furious drunken man chasing after a car, yelling obscenities and spitting on the car window late at night. A woman screaming nonsensical verbiage in a train station tunnel, her foreign words echoing off tile walls down the dark tunnel, shortly swarmed by security officials.

               There have been moments of feeling absurdly out of place in Arabic territory, a fiasco involving personal religious items and immigration police, and waiting incessantly just to walk home with the group. When it comes to safety concerns and awareness, it takes bravery. Its hard, its messy, sometimes confusing, with plenty of sweaty moments and a pounding heart. It involves calculated risk, quick judgement calls, decisions whether or not to drink, and how much. And your best defense is this: An awareness of your surroundings.

Safety plays a large role during solo trips, which you sure don’t see in most social media posts unless someone willingly chooses to share a personal story. For those of you traveling alone, use your instincts and trust your gut. I know its not glitzy nor glamorous, but its necessary for survival!

Cultural Barriers

               Probably one of the biggest hurdles of international travel, navigating cultural differences presents a unique opportunity to learn about that country, its people, and way of life- a prime environment for stories of adventure to abound, though not all of them humorous during the moment!

Obviously, there have been communication roadblocks, confusion over signs entirely in Greek or Arabic, and misunderstandings over hotel directions in French. I remember the times I purchased incorrect train tickets, Israeli wine with a Hebrew label (come to find out its actually Shabbat wine with added sugar…), dealt with Google Translate misbehaving, and failed while attempting to use broken Spanish- my questions met with blank stares. There are unique meanings to hand gestures, standards of manners, and different customs. Religious beliefs, sense of personal space, dress code, what’s an acceptable speaking volume, and the restroom situation.

I remember dealing with putrid portable toilets, the smell of dung, a bathroom cleaned with gasoline. Not to mention a lack of toilet paper, or the fact you cannot flush paper in Greece! But go to France, and you find decorative, colored, plush de lux paper, perhaps with a pretty decorative pattern on it. I have yet to travel to countries where you get…Well…A hole in the ground. Although I can laugh at much of this now, it certainly was an added stressor in the moment!

               In the Middle East, I stood aghast as shopkeepers assisted men in line behind me first, or completely ignored my presence as a female at the checkout counter. I received penetrating stares scouring my American clothing if I didn’t cover up enough. At times, our tour manager asked us to hide personal religious items, and I found myself in long black robes while exploring the Temple Mount. I had no choice but to respect their culture, painfully different from mine. For animal rights activists in the United States, or really any Western standards for humane animal treatment, I shuddered seeing camels tethered by chains or whacked with some sort of long stick, donkeys overworked in desert sun, mangy stray dogs, scrawny feral cats, or men yelling at herds of animals.  

               I went sailing through immigration at the Jordanian border, only to find myself stopped, bags searched, pulled into a small room with immigration police, my Jewish religious items confiscated. Slightly horrified, I struggled deeply with how much I’d taken religious freedom for granted in the United States, growing up with equal rights as a female, an ability to choose my beliefs, and freedom of speech. Suddenly I felt oppressed. Constricted. Wrestling to understand a way of life so foreign to my own, pressing down tears, furiously journaling, and shocked.

Though many hilarious tales of adventure result from cultural barriers, so do the more solemn, less glamorous stories. Learning about a new culture and respecting their ways can be challenging, daunting, and overwhelming- far from happy Facebook posts, but it generates personal growth, and fosters a global perspective in a way that hardly any other experience provides!

Money

               Ah, the financial talk. There’s budgets. Preparation. Sacrifices. Scouring the internet for cheap flight deals, and monetary setback. Affording a trip can be a big challenge behind closed doors, and not necessarily openly discussed. The process of implementing a dream vacation isn’t particularly glamorous either, especially for most middleclass Americans with a modest income!

               Generating an action plan greatly helped me manage money. Setting a budget, sticking to it, and paying off debt freed up funds for adventures abroad. Paradoxically, the discipline required to set a spending plan actually generates more freedom than constriction. By assigning where each dollar goes, including an emergency fund, suddenly leaks are plugged, and overspending stops spiraling out of control.

               However, to make a three week trip to Europe work, I’ve had to decline invites to eat out, simply order a small side, limit myself to one drink, and skip out on concerts, events, or movies. I don’t have Netflix. I sure try to buy food items on sale. There have been birthday cards purchased at the dollar store, many holidays requiring homemade gifts, and DIY house projects. Trips to the thrift store, driving an older car, and tedious financial planning. There was a setback with Spain in 2016, and I postponed my trip 6 months due to a lack of funds, rather than putting costs on a high interest credit card. I’ve frequently asked for trip money for birthdays and Christmas. This is not easy. But its oh so worth it!

               Once in another country, money always presents its own unique little challenges. There’s unexpected expenses, such as arriving in Tel Aviv on Shabbat (all public transportation shuts down), and paying a hefty price in Shekels for your taxi. There’s been under budgeting, going over budget, and unplanned hotel bookings. Smaller surprises such as nominal charges to use the facilities in Germany, tipping, and tolls.

In Israel, due to a miscommunication with my bank about travel dates, my debit card refused to work, and suddenly I found myself without cash in a “cash culture.” Without a 24 hour bank card phone line, the added complication of time zones, limited cell phone minutes, and extensive hold times, I found myself a pretty distraught solo traveler. Although generous trip mates offered to lend me a few Shekels, I finally resolved the issue, but not without a meltdown over the phone- calling home in a frenzy of sobbing!

               To pull off a big trip, it demands meticulous planning, careful budgeting, and reworking the plan as needed. Life happens. Something breaks on the car. You get sick. Expenses fly out the door while at home, or abroad. I know many of you have probably had to cancel trips, wait years for your dream vacation, or wrestle with shattered dreams, and my heart goes out to you. Please don’t give up hope! Although not discussed much, yes money is a huge part of travel, and its certainly not always a pretty or perfect process!

Miscellaneous Stressers

I’m sure my fellow travelers on here are thinking of your own challenges and wild stories, which I always love hearing! To note a few miscellaneous points which I’m sure many of us share in common, there are other struggles such as homesickness, loneliness, and fierce reliance on your own strength. Yes, this builds character and I cherish these priceless difficult emotions for molding me into a more confident, dynamic woman. However, for all the times I recall wishing a vacation would last forever, I remember an equal amount of trips with meltdowns by the end, longing for American soil, desiring nothing more than to see a U.S. flag at the Denver Airport, and patriotically posting about U.S. freedoms on Facebook.

There have been times certain situations required I simply sit with the stress, frustration, and tears, without a cell phone or internet signal, and no travel buddies. This sense of loneliness created a strength I rely heavily upon today, but it took an inner fight, a desire to press on, and the will power to untangle knotted, matted feelings.

There’s dealing with others’ moods, such as the girl who snapped angrily for my finagling with a finicky hostel door key, or other unhappy travelers dealing with their own personal hurricanes, their storm sweeping out and affecting fellow travelers. There have been dropped cameras, dropped phones, misplacing the passport, and urgent searches for drug store items. Getting lost, dwindling phone batteries, and misguided Google Maps without a proper data signal. Disagreements between roommates, forgotten personal items, airport transfers, oversleeping, and nearly missing flights- due to the entire city center shut down for a local 5K race!

As a solo traveler, there’s watching your own bags, dragging the entirety of your luggage to the bathroom, and lost suitcases. Sweaty shirts, something that spills on a pair of pants intended to be worn for several days before washing, or a bag full of damp, smelly items covered in red sand and dirt. Broken zippers, purses falling apart, running out of toilet paper in the Italian bathroom at an inopportune time. I laugh at these stories, but at the time, it stretched my capacity to withstand pressure- neither glamorous nor particularly fun!

             To draw this to a close, know I always love hearing others’ stories. Feel free to share, and please hear my heart regarding this post- its not meant to discourage travel or create fear! But throughout the years, I’ve taken part in conversations alluding to the elusive, “you have a perfect life” phenomenon, with travel stories placed on a pedestal, magnified by sharing only highlights on social media. Well…This is the reality. Its called adventure for a reason! It writes an irreplaceable story in your heart, and without the ups and downs, that adventure might get pretty dull. Go travel. See the world. Stumble. Get back up. And return with priceless stories.